Wanting to Want: A Leap of Faith

By Jacob Felix-

One rainy Shabbos morning in Ramat Beit Shemesh Aleph, the Lev HaTorah bochurim were given a rather strange message. "You're all invited to Seudah Shlishit after mincha this afternoon,"  Rav Mo announced after shacharit, "but only come if you want to want."

Before I came to Yeshivat Lev HaTorah on September 9th, 2019, I was lost-though I certainly didn't know it walking the halls of Ida Crown.  Yes, I was in the beit midrash getting ready for davening by 7:55 every day. Sure, I was chazzan (probably a bit too frequently) at shacharit and mincha. And I certainly went to all of my Judaic Studies classes. 

But something was still missing. 

When a person is driving somewhere and gets lost, all they need is a point of reference. A cross-street, a big sign saying "next left to your destination," or even a little bit of cell service. 

But when someone is lost inside, it takes more than a map to help them. No street sign can remind them where they are, no sign on a highway can tell them where to turn, and hours of time on the internet can't make things clearer. 

Before yeshiva, I thought I finally found my way. I decided on a University and a major. After all, high school is really just building up to college-grades, standardized tests, APs, and extracurriculars are typically the focus of any given upperclassman. 

When Rav Mo only invited people who want to want, I realized that I was looking at Yeshiva completely wrong. I thought that yeshiva was for people who were connected to God. For people who already loved Israel. For people who learn Torah themselves and love it. 

I realized, however, that yeshiva isn't for people who already have all that. Yeshiva is for people who want it-and for those who will never stop wanting more. A year learning in Israel is for people who want a love of Israel. It's for people who want to learn Torah in their free time. It's for people who want to feel more connected to God and see Him everywhere and in everything.

Looking back, I realized that I had wanted to want all along-that's why I came to Israel in the first place. May Hashem grant you the courage to take that leap of faith. You won't regret it.